Day 222 of the 365 Days of Blogging

The author, Dane F. Baylis

ANNOUNCEMENTS

For denizens of the Ventura County, CA literary and arts scene, Phil Taggert, Marsha De la O, and Friday Lubina of ASKEW POETRY JOURNAL, are hosting an on-going, Thursday evening featured reading followed by an open mic. It happens in the Topping Room of the Foster Library on Main Street in downtown Ventura every Thursday, except the fourth Thursday of the month.

 

The Avenue 50 Studio, 131 N. Avenue 50, Los Angeles, CA 90042 is hosting The Bluebird Reading on September 8th from 2:00 to 4:00 PM. The featured readers are Audrey Kuo, Cara Van Le, Melinda Palacio, and Mariano Zaro. An open mic session follows the featured readers. You can Google directions.

 

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THE SHORT OF IT. PERIOD.

 

We've been talking about removing certain types of words and phrases. We have looked at how to make our prose more immediate and action-oriented by reducing or eliminating expletives and past perfect uses. This keeps things that much closer to the present and therefore tends to involve the reader more closely.

 

What about shortening verbs? Using fewer "hads" in internal dialogue worked small wonders. How about a little verbal shorthand?

 

For example, unedited: He would be able to walk again with the use of a cane.

 

Edited: He could walk again using a cane.

 

By substituting could for  would be and using for with the use of we have shortened a twelve word sentence to a more compact and still expressive seven word sentence. It shows us that, when we encounter a verb phrase, we should search for ways to shorten it. Terms such as "be able to" should raise red flags right away so you can consider alternatives. Eliminating them decreases verbiage and increases comprehension.

 

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UNTITLED 2/19/13

 

 I’ll be honest

This isn’t about you

Even if you’re reading it

In your darkened room

Enjoying

Just you.

 

The fame thing?

It’s over rated

Strangers standing there

Speaking candied falsities

A second before you

Become the focus.

 

It’s harder to be a counterfeiter

Or cop

Or drunken neurosurgeon

Poets are just

Petty thieves

Flashing down like crows

Stealing shiny baubles.

 

The best ideas

Are just lying there

In the newspaper

On the table

Available as inebriated barflies

Willing to give it up

For a pack of smokes

Or a shot and a beer.

 

When morning comes around

You will lie in bed

Smelling the pillows

Then make up lies

Of passionate desolation

That you will imprison

In bottom drawer dungeons.

 

Later

You will stand at the podium

Clasp your breast and sob

“All of my best moments

Are as degenerate

As Easter

Amongst the Spanish flagellants

Raking off flesh

With spiked chain flails

In my deepest heart

I cry for clarity

And long to lick their wounds.”

 

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Meanwhile...Live, love, write.

 

 

Want to follow or subscribe to this blog? There are gadgets for that on the right side of the page. You can leave comments in the form below. I can be reached directly at dbaylis805@gmail.com . You can also find links to some of the sites I visit from time to time on the right. I'm also looking for submissions to the Your Work/Your Love page. Authors retain all rights.

 

 

Tomorrow,

 

Dane F. Baylis

Author.